« Oklahoma Greens for Obama! | Home | One of my heroes - Dorothy Day »
Depression
By jmb | July 3, 2008
I wanted to make a quick post here, as I haven’t been online much this week due to personal issues on my end, mostly a recurrence of depression. This post is personal and pathetically self-indulgent, so feel free to skip this post if that is not something you want to read.
I used to not talk about having depression on this blog (well, at least directly), but I decided a while back to be more open about having the condition. I decided to do this becaues I think that being more open makes me less shameful about it (which helps to fight the depression, as shame sure seems to fuel it) and also because I figure that lots of other people have it too but need encouragement like I have needed to be proactive in dealing with it.
That said, things aren’t great right now. The medicine I take does help some, but not enough. There seems to be a curtain of darkness that decends over me from time to time, and the best way I know to describe it is that I just want to stay in bed all of the time or just stare at the wall. I don’t want to move because it just makes feel tired, and I feel like that my peripheral vision is narrowing (both physically and metaphorically). Everything just seems dark and oppressive, and everything about my life seems increasingly futile, pathetic and stupid.
I know intellectually that these feelings aren’t true, or at least aren’t completely true. I may do dumb things from time to time but so do lots of other folks. And life is hard but my life is full of good things and is so, so much better than what other people have to deal with.
So I keep trying to make steady positive movement, even if it seems pointless. I keep taking my medicine. I guess I should go see my therapist, but as awesome as she is, I’m not sure she would have anything to tell me that would help. Hopefully this is just a biochemical fluke that will quickly pass and things will be better soon.
Anyway that’s the news on my end. I’m playing catch-up right now on client work (I had to take a couple of days to take care of personal stuff), so I likely won’t post anything until after the holiday weekend.
Topics: Personal |
Ads by Google...
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Just found your website. Keep up the fight. Nice to know that there are some Oklahomans with an independent streak to think for themselves. I like the flag shirts - nice. I tried to educate the electorate and legislators about corporate welfare - alas a major uphill battle.
July 4th, 2008 at 7:24 am
Hi J.M.
I would definitey urge you to see a therapist. Your thinking that this can’t help is just your depression talking. You need to try to take control of it by taking positive steps to make yourself feel better. If you feel crappy, then your thoughts will be distorted. A little cognitive behavioral therapy could go a long way.
Best,
Wendy Aron, author of Hide & Seek: How I Laughed at Depression, Conquered My Fears and Found Happiness.
www.wendyaron.com
July 4th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Are you sure you are on the right medication? There are a lot of anti-depression drugs out there, and you have to try a few to find the right one for you. You may want to discuss this with your doctor.
July 5th, 2008 at 12:32 am
I may have to try something new, but am limited a bit by finances to one of the anti-depression drugs that are available as generics and are on the Wal-mart $4 list.
Currently I’m taking paxil, which works better than the two I tried before: welbutrin (which made me manic) and lexapro (which had side effects I wasn’t cool with). I’ve heard that sometimes paxil and welbutrin together is a possibility that works well for some people.
July 5th, 2008 at 12:33 am
Hi Wendy,
thanks for your comment. You are probably right about the value of therapy.
July 5th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
There’s some kind of a drug assistance program I’ve seen Montel Williams hawking on TV. Don’t know the details, but it might be worth checking out.
July 6th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Hello James,
I hope things have gotten better for you since your original posting. I will keep you in my prayers. I guess it is true about spiritual insight or gut feelings because for the last week you have been in my thoughts. You are a great person and a god send to the many veterans you help directly and indirectly. Keep faith in God, yourself, and this too will pass.
Keep In Touch,
Benita